A Tale of Negative Pregnancy Tests

The other side of the story that nobody talks about.

Yesterday, while doing the sorting of the medicine drawer, I found a small tiny box that had my used home pregnancy test kits that I had tested before my son was born. Ever since 2019, I had packed them in a transparent sheet and saved it as a memento. And thanks to god I did that. Really, even now when I look at those home test kits I feel short of words to describe my feeling when I saw the second blue line of confirmation in it. The idea of keeping your positive pregnancy pee test might be too gross for some, but strangely I was taken aback when in one of the Facebook breastfeeding mama groups I posted my memory and almost 70 percent of moms had saved it just like I did.

Probably in the early pregnancy days, I had kept them intact so that I could just look at them and make sure the two lines were still there and I wasn’t hallucinating.

Just behind that one positive test lies a bunch of stories that we normally don’t share. The story of the negatives, the story of courage, and the story of real life.

Nobody will ever tell you their story of buying an ovulation kit and pregnancy test in bulk just in the hope to see that second line.

Nobody tells you about the pain of disappointment in hoping for that perfectly timed miracle.

Nobody ever talks about the anxiousness that you go through while putting up an alarm to get up early and take a pregnancy test. And how we keep checking the test 5 minutes later, 30 minutes later and an hour later just to see if the second line was maybe appearing and there was slightest of the hope to get pregnant that month naturally.

Nobody shares the feeling on how we get glued to our screen in watching endless content of early pregnancy symptoms thinking that probably some magic would happen in the two-week wait in which we could sense a sign and tell the whole world about the pregnancy.

Everyone feels shy about talking about the failed moment of the early motherhood chapter and you are left alone to deal with the sorrow all by yourself. The period of recovery becomes the period of negation and with all this, you are expected to get all the courage to repeat the entire process the very next month. Deal with the same anxiety and above all getting the courage to be hopeful once again.

I know how despair, disappointment, and defeat consumes you. But I strongly believe in the power of positive vibes. Even during that time, I knew that god’s timing is always perfect. I was hopeful for the future and no matter what outcome came, I waited for my happy moment every month on this journey with all the positive thoughts.

So, anyone who is expecting a result I just wanna tell you that yes the entire thing is not gonna be easy, there shall be many ups and downs but today when I look back in time and have my child with me, I think all that pain was worth it. When the time is right it shall happen. And then even you will also save your positive test just as a reminder token to self – showing how courageous and strong you were!

This piece of article is to give strength to all those moms who are trying to see their second line of hope. This space is to help you to be strong.

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